Awkward Situation 101

[figmo]

There's a housefilk today. I do not want to go.

The guy in the couple has specifically asked me if I was going to be there. I have no intention of showing up.

Years ago his wife had unprotected sex with my then-boyfriend behind my back. She knew how I'd feel about it, yet did so anyway. To this day she thinks she did nothing wrong.

I caught something from their encounter. I spent six months waiting before I could take the AIDS test to find out whether I had caught that, too.

He is a very nice guy who is welcome in my home anytime. She, OTOH, is not welcome in my home. Ever. Period. As such, I don't feel right going to their house for a filk.

He knows she did something with my then-boyfriend years ago; he doesn't know the full extent of it. If he questions me directly on why I didn't show, what should I say? Should I be direct and tell him exactly why, or should I sugar-coat it?

Comments

[johno.livejournal.com]

Take the high road, even if he asks point blank, don't answer him.

Don't ignore his question, but refuse to answer. Don't hint about it either.

A simple "I don't want to discuss it" is all that is needed.

another viewpoint

[firecat]

I've had more than one partner who has pissed off friends or lovers of mine to the point where they don't want to come to any events where that person is.

Personally, if that's the case, I would prefer to know something about what's going on. Otherwise, I might assume people are avoiding me or my events because of something specific about me or my events, rather than the presence of someone they don't like.

I prefer to know the whole story, but if a person isn't comfortable with that, I'd want to know at least "I'm not coming because I don't want to be around X."

But I'm not owed any explanation of non-presence. It's a preference.

[johno.livejournal.com]

You've asked in the past how we've made it so far not being the subjects of grudges and such.

C & I have talked about some.

We let things go.

We may remember, we may not forgive.

But we let it go.

We stop telling folks the story.
We stop letting it eat at us.

True we avoid the folks we have issues with, but we don't make a point of it.

If the person deliberately hurt us, we don't give them the satisfaction of driving us away from social places or circles, nor do we let them see us have any pain. We simply wander off or ignore them if they enter our extended personal space. (ie join a group conversation at a party).

If they unintentionally hurt us, but don't believe they did anything wrong. Then they are not worth the effort of knowing anyway, so we just let them fade from our world view.

Take the high road, don't take vengeance, don't hold a grudge, don't wast the emotional energy. You've got better things to do with it then hold on to hate or even just a major dis-like.

awkward situation 101

[(Anonymous)]

This is Margaret Middleton; not really anonymous; just not an LJ subscriber.

If niceguyhubby with the ratwife actually asks, he's ready to hear the truth.