Awkward Situation 101

[figmo]

There's a housefilk today. I do not want to go.

The guy in the couple has specifically asked me if I was going to be there. I have no intention of showing up.

Years ago his wife had unprotected sex with my then-boyfriend behind my back. She knew how I'd feel about it, yet did so anyway. To this day she thinks she did nothing wrong.

I caught something from their encounter. I spent six months waiting before I could take the AIDS test to find out whether I had caught that, too.

He is a very nice guy who is welcome in my home anytime. She, OTOH, is not welcome in my home. Ever. Period. As such, I don't feel right going to their house for a filk.

He knows she did something with my then-boyfriend years ago; he doesn't know the full extent of it. If he questions me directly on why I didn't show, what should I say? Should I be direct and tell him exactly why, or should I sugar-coat it?

Comments

another viewpoint

[firecat]

I've had more than one partner who has pissed off friends or lovers of mine to the point where they don't want to come to any events where that person is.

Personally, if that's the case, I would prefer to know something about what's going on. Otherwise, I might assume people are avoiding me or my events because of something specific about me or my events, rather than the presence of someone they don't like.

I prefer to know the whole story, but if a person isn't comfortable with that, I'd want to know at least "I'm not coming because I don't want to be around X."

But I'm not owed any explanation of non-presence. It's a preference.

Re: another viewpoint

[johno.livejournal.com]

Valid point.

"I'm sorry B..., It's not you, but I don't wish to discuss it."