FIGMO's Follies

I was doing my KLIV shift this morning. My usual editor was on vacation, and the fill-in editor wasn't scheduled to show up till 8am. It was 7:51am, and I was rushing from the newsroom to the on-air studio to be there in time for my 7:52 newscast when I tripped and fell, landing face-first into a file cabinet drawer. Not having time to react to the pain, thinking "I must get up right away and do my newscast," I scraped myself up and started the newscast, noting that my mouth felt a little weird. "Good morning, you're lithening to fiftheen-ninedy, K-L-I-V, Thilicon Valley'th Newth Thtathun...." WTF?????!? I don't normally lisp, but suddenly I was unable to form words properly.

I struggled through the newscast, started the Economy Report for that hour, then looked down and noticed I was dripping blood. DOUBLE-WTF?????!? After the newscast I walked to the bathroom and noticed a 2in long gash straight across my chin. I opened my mouth and noticed three of my lower teeth had pushed back nearly half an inch backwards into my mouth. No wonder I could hardly talk! As soon as Luke, the editor, was able to, I had him take over the on-air duties and rushed myself to El Camino Hospital.

The diagnosis: The gash in my chin, luckily, didn't go all the way through to the inside of my mouth, but I had a few cuts inside there anyway. The physicians' assistant on duty managed to get the on-call plastic surgeon to come in and do my mouth. I now have 36 stitches. Next, they had a trauma dentist. He was able to move my teeth closer to their correct positions and then glued on supports similar to what they used to call "invisible" braces. The good news: My teeth weren't broken at the roots. The bad news: I appear to have broken my jaw. It's a greenstick fracture, but I am under doctors orders to use my lower jaw as little as possible for the next week.

Warren is taking a test that started at 3pm, so I was careful not to call him (as if I could!). Instead, I called dimakoi and got her to pick me up. Somehow Warren had figured out that I'd fallen at the station and had managed to drive myself to the hospital. Still, I'm glad he didn't know so he couldn't worry about me ("broken jaw" sounds pretty effing nasty, right?). She took me to the drug store, and they were told my health care coverage had expired on the 31st of last month. TRIPLE-WTF?????!? The folks from the health plan won't be in till Monday, so I can't take care of business till then.

Meanwhile, if there's anything I can do to make the healing go faster, suggestions are welcome! I do not want to have to do a "proxy" concert at Denvention!

My schedule keeps alternating busy with headache. Migraine headache.

It seems the bad air from the fires down south triggered my headaches. Every time the air quality sucks, my head hurts. Eeeyow.

I've been pushing myself to work out. I managed to get to the gym Monday before BASFA and Thursday evening. Friday my co-workers and I went to lunch and then went go-karting. Going around lots of curves really fast on the track got me carsick, so I opted to go home rather than go back to the office and consume wine and beer.

Today my arms are sore.

Despite the head stuff, I'm in pretty good spirits.

What has kept me too busy to post (besides writing like a madwoman for work)?

• The earth moved, and I had to move my butt over to KLIV that night. My Official Marching Orders_TM are to "make sure [my] place is secured, then go to the station." I spent several hours making phone calls, writing up information, and cutting up sound for the folks who were on air.


• Working out is tiring, especially when you're as out of shape as I am.


• I have been helping a fellow comedian with her web site (see http://www.wwkcb.com).


• I have my first real paying comedy gig on November 17th! I will be MCing the Laugh Track Online show with Grace White headlining and Beth Schumann as featured artist. I have been told there will be times in my career where I'll have to pump up the audience for an act I can't stand. Fortunately, this isn't one of them. Both of these women are very funny. I could go on and on about them and not do them justice. They're also really nice people.

I am resting now, and I'll be flexing my "comedy muscles" tonight at the SFCC Clubhouse in the 6pm show (414 Mason, 7th Floor, San Francisco).