Feeling out of it

[figmo]

It's irrational, I suppose, but there are some days when I feel like I Just Don't Belong. Right now is one of them.

First I was looking for Dr. Jane's lyrics and came across a site with a list of "Who's Who in Filking." People who'd been in filking far less time than me were listed. People who'd never chaired a con or put out a tape or been a GOH were listed. I wasn't.

Then I saw Alan Thiesen's note saying the only part they hadn't cast for "HMS Trek-a-Star" was "Chekov." I'd said I was interested a while back, and I hadn't heard anything. Somehow all the female roles got cast with me not being invited to participate. (I am not playing a guy. Just don't go there.)

Then a bunch of folks were complimenting each other on their looks on #filkhaven. I look in the mirror and go, "Eeeuw. You again?" Nobody "corrected" me. It reminded me of the time my father said, "You know, you're above-average looking" -- on the night before my wedding.

Maybe it's me coming off the Albuterol, but I feel lousy.

Comments

[kyttn.livejournal.com]

Let me state for the record here as well -

The folks on #filkhaven never deliberately leave anyone out. There are also certain people who go out of their way to make me feel welcome whenever I do peek in. Of course, those who hang out together more will feel closer, and that is to be expected. There are wonderful people there, some I dearly love, others I am fond of, some who irritate me as much as I probably irritate them. That happens in any group. I'm not knocking the channel, just stting the facts about how I feel, and an understanding of how others might feel the same.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I feel a little saner.