figmo | Feeling out of it (Reply)

It's irrational, I suppose, but there are some days when I feel like I Just Don't Belong. Right now is one of them.

First I was looking for Dr. Jane's lyrics and came across a site with a list of "Who's Who in Filking." People who'd been in filking far less time than me were listed. People who'd never chaired a con or put out a tape or been a GOH were listed. I wasn't.

Then I saw Alan Thiesen's note saying the only part they hadn't cast for "HMS Trek-a-Star" was "Chekov." I'd said I was interested a while back, and I hadn't heard anything. Somehow all the female roles got cast with me not being invited to participate. (I am not playing a guy. Just don't go there.)

Then a bunch of folks were complimenting each other on their looks on #filkhaven. I look in the mirror and go, "Eeeuw. You again?" Nobody "corrected" me. It reminded me of the time my father said, "You know, you're above-average looking" -- on the night before my wedding.

Maybe it's me coming off the Albuterol, but I feel lousy.