Feeling out of it

[figmo]

It's irrational, I suppose, but there are some days when I feel like I Just Don't Belong. Right now is one of them.

First I was looking for Dr. Jane's lyrics and came across a site with a list of "Who's Who in Filking." People who'd been in filking far less time than me were listed. People who'd never chaired a con or put out a tape or been a GOH were listed. I wasn't.

Then I saw Alan Thiesen's note saying the only part they hadn't cast for "HMS Trek-a-Star" was "Chekov." I'd said I was interested a while back, and I hadn't heard anything. Somehow all the female roles got cast with me not being invited to participate. (I am not playing a guy. Just don't go there.)

Then a bunch of folks were complimenting each other on their looks on #filkhaven. I look in the mirror and go, "Eeeuw. You again?" Nobody "corrected" me. It reminded me of the time my father said, "You know, you're above-average looking" -- on the night before my wedding.

Maybe it's me coming off the Albuterol, but I feel lousy.

Comments

I wasn't there

[filker0.livejournal.com]

On Filkhaven, at least, I wasn't there. If I had been, I would have said something. You might not have professed to believe me, but that has no effect on the inner psyche when it comes to these things, and I've grown accustomed to not being openly believed, so I continue to say such things because I mean them, and because I can write run-on sentances with the best of them.