I really ought to stop reading con reports

[figmo]

It rarely fails to happen:

1. I go to a con.
2. I feel good for having gone to the con and having had a good time.
3. I read the con reports, see myself totally absent, and get really depressed.

This continuously amazes me, given that I've done some things over the years I thought were highly conspicuous. I once coordinated the smuggling of a sousaphone into OVFF. I have run cons. I have done concerts complete with costume changes and choreography. I've tried to make a sanitary napkin with wings fly while on stage. I've brought an insufferably cute dog to cons.

This time even the dog didn't get mentioned.

Comments

[bardling.livejournal.com]

You felt good for having gone to the con. Did you enjoy being there and have a good time?
I'm assuming the answer is yes. In which case - isn't that what matters? Why does it matter about conreports? Unless you go to cons to be seen & written about...

[figmo.livejournal.com]

My point precisely, which is why I say I should stop reading con reports. I go to a con to go to it.

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

Well, crap. I thought I'd mentioned you in mine. This comment was going to be me poking you about "well, you were mentioned in mine." and well, my bad, you weren't. I went back and checked,and damn it all to hell, I forgot. Not that you were there, but I forgot to say as much in my con report. Sleep dep. That's my only defense.

All the same, I hear what you are saying. Everyone needs their ego stroked once in a while. So, we met, it was cool, and Lady is a cutey, and I'm sorry I didn't say so in my own LJ space. I meant to. But yeah, I know all about the road to hell and good intentions and all of that. Forgive? -H...

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Sorry 'bout that. It wasn't directed at anyone in particular, especially not you. It's just a phenomenon I notice whenever I go to cons.

[delennara.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. I said the same thing before, and got the same comment you got from bardling. And while I must admit that it is logically right...yeah.
*hugs*
I look very much forward to meet you at 16 tones, and if I get to write a conreport, I promise to mention you ;-) . Will you mention me ,too?

[figmo.livejournal.com]

To say "yes" would be an understatement.

Suffice it to say I've got a couple of things up my sleeve I'm waiting to see your reaction on.

[keristor.livejournal.com]

I agree. I know there were some pictures taken with me in, but they don't seem to have appeared, and I got left out of several conreps where I would have expected to be mentioned. But hey, I haven't even written a conrep yet...

(Part of the reason being that if I write it for LJ then I need to edit things like names to be pointers to LJs and that sort of stuff, which is a real pain...)

(I still think that you're cuter than Lady, who is very cute. But then I'm prejudiced in favour of my own species <g>...)

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

Lynn, being mentioned in a con report is not an indication of anything, nor is not being mentioned. I don't look to con reports for self-validation. Nor do I look to Xenofilkia, the Pegasus awards, the Filk Hall of Fame, or ... that way lies madness and frustration, and it's best not to head in that direction. Well, actually, there are plenty of ways to get to madness and frustration, and someone was kind enough to snap me out of that sort of thing some years ago when I was speculating about what some acquaintances might have been thinking about me.

I have been in situations where I did need to be careful with others' perceptions, career-wise, and it's still not a productive activity. That's a frustrating thing when it's money and your future on the line, and that's enough frustration for a lifetime. For filk, which is our pleasure and recreation, it's not worth a damn.

As far as I'm concerned, you're one of the all-too-many people I didn't get to spend enough time with at GaFilk. That's both a bit of frustration for me and a sign of how many decent people there are in filking.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

You're right, and yeah, we didn't get to spend enough time around each other. Your kids didn't get enough "doggie time," too. :-)

I filk to filk. Someone once asked me if I got into filk to be famous. I replied, "I already am famous. I'm on the radio. I get fan mail. I filk because I need to."

[pbristow.livejournal.com]

"I already am famous. I'm on the radio. I get fan mail. I filk because I need to."

Heh. That's a quote I want to file. =:o}

[vaurien.livejournal.com]

A Souzaphone! Cool.

One day I'll finish my conrep for my visit to Consonance. So far I haven't even got to the convention!

[bardiclug.livejournal.com]

GaFilk is a relax-a-con by design, and although it was pretty large this year, it was still a very laid-back con. This isn't the con to go to if you want to get notice and good press.

Enjoy the con for the experience of the con, and leave it at that. Sherman is so right when he says "that way lies madness."

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. You're both right. I go to experience the con. That's why I keep telling myself not to bother with the con reports. I go from feeling warm and glowy from the con experience to feeling like nobody thinks I'm worthwhile, and that sucks.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Do you read conreps for egoboo or to see what people thought of the con?

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I read them to see what I might have missed and yeah, I care about being cared about.

I care most about how I felt about the con. If twenty gazillion people wrote scathing reports about a con and I had a good time at it, do you think I'd care about their opinions (other than feeling bad that they had a bad time)? On the other hand, if others enjoyed a con and I didn't, I feel cheated.

This didn't happen with either of the GAFilks I've attended, but there was a con where I had a miserable time, said so in my journal, and instead of concom members trying to make it better, they started attacking me. I no longer write conreps about that con if I go because the only reason I go to it any more is to see others who are there.

[pbristow.livejournal.com]

"I read them to see what I might have missed and yeah, I care about being cared about." Yep, that's it exactly. I read conreps as a way to extend the experience of the con, by getting a glimpse of other people's experiences of it... But I'm dead chuffed by the rare, occasional time I get mentioned, and always a bit disappointed if I'm not. I'm mostly used to being invisible and forgettable in day-to-day life, but I always hope to be a little more visible/memorable at 'cons. 'Cos, like, that's where I do all my best stuff, y'know? =:o}

Regarding the "con where I had a miserable time, [and] said so":

Hmmm... This may not be pertinent to your case (I don't know at what stage your offered your critique), but as a generality: There's an important phenomenon to bear in mind here. The natural time for people to want to comment on how good or bad a con was (or indeed to offer small criticisms whilst applauding the overall whole) is immediately after the 'con. Unfortunately (as I'm sure you know first hand! =:o} ) this is precisely the time when the concom are poorest equipped to take any criticisms calmly or objectively. They're exhausted! They may have thoroughly enjoyed the 'con, or they may have been through hell, but either way their experience will have been very different to the experience of the general congoers, because it was the final frantic burst of energy at the end of a long run of hard slog, and right now all they want to do is sleep... Except that, like you, they can't resist reading the conreps!

And, of course, its their *baby* you're talking about. No mother* takes kindly to criticism of her baby. (What's the average gestation period for filk con... About 18 months? =:o} )

*(Well, almost no mother... )

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm the weirdo who likes criticism. I was brought up to believe you only criticize someone you think can improve. If you don't offer criticism, it means you've written the person off.

With that in mind, if someone has constructive criticism ("You suck" is not constructive; "You suck because..." is), I like it.

One of the nice things about the Consonance concom is we are pretty blunt with each other with the understanding that we do it because we care. If someone tells me something's off, I accept it. I figure I must be doing something right because people keep coming back to work on the concom. The attrition we've had is due to people moving out of the area due to the sucky economy.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Not being mentioned at a conrep isn't a sign that people don't care -- it's a sign that you didn't get mentioned in the conrep. Lord knows I don't write everything down in my conreps; there are people I leave out all the time, there are thing I did that I really enjoyed at the time that I leave out all the time.

A conrep is, at best, fragmentary.

And hey, it could be worse. People could mention you in a nasty context ;)

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Good point. :-)

[koshmom.livejournal.com]

I understand entirely. I've gone to many parties where picture taking is occurring, and out of 100 parties, I've only seen myself in retrospective pictures once or twice, and that was "there's my hair" or "there's my arm".

I've also gone to parties, and spoken with the host for like a half hour. Afterwards I was told by the same host that I "should have attended" the party, that I should get out more.

I am invisible and unrememberable.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Ya know, I remember you having the same problem when you were living out here in California. I remembered seeing you at parties and could cite with frightening clarity stuff about conversations we've had (hey, you're fun and interesting to talk to), but others never noticed either one of us.

[mdlbear]

I sympathize, but then I look at my own con reports, most of which are cursory at best. I tend to concentrate on what I did at the con, in part because I'm so bad at remembering names that I'm unlikely to mention everyone I met or whose performances I enjoyed. I don't want to slight anyone, so I tend to err on the side of not mentioning anyone.

As for running cons, or filking at cons, the people who do all the work don't usually get a mention unless something goes drastically wrong.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Point taken. I should keep reminding myself that folks keep coming back to Consonance and flocking out to it.

[mrpsyklops.livejournal.com]

I understand how you feel. I've felt the same way - it is remarkably gratifying to be mentioned in a con report and very frustrating to be left out. I have found that writing my own con reports in detail is an effective way for me to handle the distress. I find that mentioning other people, remembering and recording names (a non-trivial task for me), and detailing incidents throughout the weekend is a way to make my experience there more real to myself and concentrate the positive meetings with friends and acquaintances.

It was a pleasure to sit by you and hear you Friday night. I remember your 2x10 Saturday, but not what you sang. Refresh my memory and I should be able to give you better feedback. It was good to talk for a few minutes going into the banquet. GAFilk this year was so large that I didn't do more than nod to the majority of people attending. I'm sorry that we didn't end up in the same open filk space; I would like to hear more of your work.

Blessings and joy.

Robert

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I did "California Love Song" and "Someone To Pick Up After Me."

[mrpsyklops.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I liked the Pachelbel's Canon (spelling errors are my own) presentation that went with "California Love Song." The lyrics were amusing (though I don't exactly remember why a tofu reference is sticking in my mind. (g)). I liked "Someone To Pick Up After Me," though pre-recorded accompaniment is not usually my favorite. It's a shame there wasn't additional contact and rehearsal time - it would have been great to have a live version that included quadrivium and surrdave. It reminded me of a saying the Beth and I use - we'd both like to have a wife. (g)

I enjoyed your performance. Thank you for reminding me of the specifics. Now, I'll post the information to my own LJ, so I won't loose it again.

[puggie.livejournal.com]

Although I don't care if I am or am not mentioned in a Con report I can understand that some people are sad about it. I can only say that usually it has nothing to do with quality if you are mentioned or not. It is like CNN. It has nothing to do with quality or talent...

[chatworthy.livejournal.com]

Well, if I wrote more con reports, you'd be in them. :)

Still, I understand how you feel. I'm getting zero recognition locally for all the work (and expense) I put in bidding for what eventually became the 2004 Westercon here in Phoenix.

Because there will be kick-ass filk, I'll be there, but I am very reluctant to go at all. I'd rather be in Victoria or Seattle that weekend.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Please do go. The filk community in Phoenix, which, when I last checked, included you, is the reason I'm going.

If it's typical of the reputation Phoenix area cons have, I'm expecting the weather to be exceedingly hot bordering on unpleasant (hey, I'm part Egyptian; I can take heat :-) ), the bulk of the con to suck doody, and the filk track to kick major butt.

I also know extremely well how much a part you had in that bid, dammit. I've been involved in the bid side of Westercons and Worldcons for around 20 years now.

[chatworthy.livejournal.com]

I'll be there, never fear. Disguised as a waiter if need be.

I've already committed to being in a (non-filk)performance and maybe some panels.

And I'm actually enjoying the fact that I'm not running the thing. My Raving Ego loves its attention, but it's nice to not be In Charge. Especially in Phoenix in July.

[mrlogic.livejournal.com]

I ended up making a post similar to yours, but for a different reason ... there was a particular person I hoped would mention me in a conreport, and it didn't happen. This was personally disappointing, not just relevant to egoboo or "validation". It was kind of like getting the brush-off.

*hugs*

Posting this is a bit Heisenbergian: I don't want this post to influence anyone's behavior or choices in their conreports. What's done is done. I also don't want to seem whiny. In general I don't care that much whether I'm mentioned or not, and I wouldn't want anyone to make a decision about his/her conreport based on consideration of my (or anyone's) feelings.

[firecat]

I'm invisible too. Often it's a good thing that I choose, but I do wish I could turn it off more readily.

Shadow of Insecurity?

[poltr1]

I know how you feel. There are times I feel the same way. I remember a Friday night at OVFF several years ago, where people I knew from past cons were passing by me, not saying hello, treating me as if I wasn't there. (That night, I wrote the words to "Am I A Stranger?". The music came three years later.) Rebecca (my lovely wife) advised me that many folks, when they're at cons, are so focused on getting to where they want to go that whatever around them is lost in the periphery, and that I shouldn't interpret their behavior as a snub.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a filk wallflower because I'm not a performer, up on the stage, playing and performing -- I've spent a lot of time in the audience recently. I find it difficult to jump in during filk circles, since I'm so afraid I'd interrupt someone and get chewed out for it, or someone will interrupt me. Either that or I'm horrendous at reading other people's cues. (I'd probably do better in a non-chaos filk, where the rotation passes in a strict order.)

I call this feeling my "Shadow of Insecurity" -- Shadow because it's a part of me I hide and deny. (I think that term comes from Jungian psychology.) It craves attention, approval, acceptance, and love, because when I'm feeling ignored, I don't feel important, and when I'm in the limelight, I feel important.

Egoboo is like gravy -- it's great when you can get it, but I wouldn't want to become dependant on it or gorge on it.

Re: Shadow of Insecurity?

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Ya know, as I read the comments on this, I realize some of the people I enjoyed chatting with and being around didn't make it into any con reports, either. OTOH, none of them were performers.