I really ought to stop reading con reports

[figmo]

It rarely fails to happen:

1. I go to a con.
2. I feel good for having gone to the con and having had a good time.
3. I read the con reports, see myself totally absent, and get really depressed.

This continuously amazes me, given that I've done some things over the years I thought were highly conspicuous. I once coordinated the smuggling of a sousaphone into OVFF. I have run cons. I have done concerts complete with costume changes and choreography. I've tried to make a sanitary napkin with wings fly while on stage. I've brought an insufferably cute dog to cons.

This time even the dog didn't get mentioned.

Comments

[bardling.livejournal.com]

You felt good for having gone to the con. Did you enjoy being there and have a good time?
I'm assuming the answer is yes. In which case - isn't that what matters? Why does it matter about conreports? Unless you go to cons to be seen & written about...

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

Well, crap. I thought I'd mentioned you in mine. This comment was going to be me poking you about "well, you were mentioned in mine." and well, my bad, you weren't. I went back and checked,and damn it all to hell, I forgot. Not that you were there, but I forgot to say as much in my con report. Sleep dep. That's my only defense.

All the same, I hear what you are saying. Everyone needs their ego stroked once in a while. So, we met, it was cool, and Lady is a cutey, and I'm sorry I didn't say so in my own LJ space. I meant to. But yeah, I know all about the road to hell and good intentions and all of that. Forgive? -H...

[delennara.livejournal.com]

I know exactly how you feel. I said the same thing before, and got the same comment you got from bardling. And while I must admit that it is logically right...yeah.
*hugs*
I look very much forward to meet you at 16 tones, and if I get to write a conreport, I promise to mention you ;-) . Will you mention me ,too?

[keristor.livejournal.com]

I agree. I know there were some pictures taken with me in, but they don't seem to have appeared, and I got left out of several conreps where I would have expected to be mentioned. But hey, I haven't even written a conrep yet...

(Part of the reason being that if I write it for LJ then I need to edit things like names to be pointers to LJs and that sort of stuff, which is a real pain...)

(I still think that you're cuter than Lady, who is very cute. But then I'm prejudiced in favour of my own species <g>...)

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

Lynn, being mentioned in a con report is not an indication of anything, nor is not being mentioned. I don't look to con reports for self-validation. Nor do I look to Xenofilkia, the Pegasus awards, the Filk Hall of Fame, or ... that way lies madness and frustration, and it's best not to head in that direction. Well, actually, there are plenty of ways to get to madness and frustration, and someone was kind enough to snap me out of that sort of thing some years ago when I was speculating about what some acquaintances might have been thinking about me.

I have been in situations where I did need to be careful with others' perceptions, career-wise, and it's still not a productive activity. That's a frustrating thing when it's money and your future on the line, and that's enough frustration for a lifetime. For filk, which is our pleasure and recreation, it's not worth a damn.

As far as I'm concerned, you're one of the all-too-many people I didn't get to spend enough time with at GaFilk. That's both a bit of frustration for me and a sign of how many decent people there are in filking.

[vaurien.livejournal.com]

A Souzaphone! Cool.

One day I'll finish my conrep for my visit to Consonance. So far I haven't even got to the convention!

[bardiclug.livejournal.com]

GaFilk is a relax-a-con by design, and although it was pretty large this year, it was still a very laid-back con. This isn't the con to go to if you want to get notice and good press.

Enjoy the con for the experience of the con, and leave it at that. Sherman is so right when he says "that way lies madness."

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Do you read conreps for egoboo or to see what people thought of the con?

[koshmom.livejournal.com]

I understand entirely. I've gone to many parties where picture taking is occurring, and out of 100 parties, I've only seen myself in retrospective pictures once or twice, and that was "there's my hair" or "there's my arm".

I've also gone to parties, and spoken with the host for like a half hour. Afterwards I was told by the same host that I "should have attended" the party, that I should get out more.

I am invisible and unrememberable.

[mdlbear]

I sympathize, but then I look at my own con reports, most of which are cursory at best. I tend to concentrate on what I did at the con, in part because I'm so bad at remembering names that I'm unlikely to mention everyone I met or whose performances I enjoyed. I don't want to slight anyone, so I tend to err on the side of not mentioning anyone.

As for running cons, or filking at cons, the people who do all the work don't usually get a mention unless something goes drastically wrong.

[mrpsyklops.livejournal.com]

I understand how you feel. I've felt the same way - it is remarkably gratifying to be mentioned in a con report and very frustrating to be left out. I have found that writing my own con reports in detail is an effective way for me to handle the distress. I find that mentioning other people, remembering and recording names (a non-trivial task for me), and detailing incidents throughout the weekend is a way to make my experience there more real to myself and concentrate the positive meetings with friends and acquaintances.

It was a pleasure to sit by you and hear you Friday night. I remember your 2x10 Saturday, but not what you sang. Refresh my memory and I should be able to give you better feedback. It was good to talk for a few minutes going into the banquet. GAFilk this year was so large that I didn't do more than nod to the majority of people attending. I'm sorry that we didn't end up in the same open filk space; I would like to hear more of your work.

Blessings and joy.

Robert

[puggie.livejournal.com]

Although I don't care if I am or am not mentioned in a Con report I can understand that some people are sad about it. I can only say that usually it has nothing to do with quality if you are mentioned or not. It is like CNN. It has nothing to do with quality or talent...

[chatworthy.livejournal.com]

Well, if I wrote more con reports, you'd be in them. :)

Still, I understand how you feel. I'm getting zero recognition locally for all the work (and expense) I put in bidding for what eventually became the 2004 Westercon here in Phoenix.

Because there will be kick-ass filk, I'll be there, but I am very reluctant to go at all. I'd rather be in Victoria or Seattle that weekend.

[mrlogic.livejournal.com]

I ended up making a post similar to yours, but for a different reason ... there was a particular person I hoped would mention me in a conreport, and it didn't happen. This was personally disappointing, not just relevant to egoboo or "validation". It was kind of like getting the brush-off.

*hugs*

Posting this is a bit Heisenbergian: I don't want this post to influence anyone's behavior or choices in their conreports. What's done is done. I also don't want to seem whiny. In general I don't care that much whether I'm mentioned or not, and I wouldn't want anyone to make a decision about his/her conreport based on consideration of my (or anyone's) feelings.

[firecat]

I'm invisible too. Often it's a good thing that I choose, but I do wish I could turn it off more readily.

Shadow of Insecurity?

[poltr1]

I know how you feel. There are times I feel the same way. I remember a Friday night at OVFF several years ago, where people I knew from past cons were passing by me, not saying hello, treating me as if I wasn't there. (That night, I wrote the words to "Am I A Stranger?". The music came three years later.) Rebecca (my lovely wife) advised me that many folks, when they're at cons, are so focused on getting to where they want to go that whatever around them is lost in the periphery, and that I shouldn't interpret their behavior as a snub.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a filk wallflower because I'm not a performer, up on the stage, playing and performing -- I've spent a lot of time in the audience recently. I find it difficult to jump in during filk circles, since I'm so afraid I'd interrupt someone and get chewed out for it, or someone will interrupt me. Either that or I'm horrendous at reading other people's cues. (I'd probably do better in a non-chaos filk, where the rotation passes in a strict order.)

I call this feeling my "Shadow of Insecurity" -- Shadow because it's a part of me I hide and deny. (I think that term comes from Jungian psychology.) It craves attention, approval, acceptance, and love, because when I'm feeling ignored, I don't feel important, and when I'm in the limelight, I feel important.

Egoboo is like gravy -- it's great when you can get it, but I wouldn't want to become dependant on it or gorge on it.