What happened to my life???!?

[figmo]

I used to have a life. It was a very busy one, but I enjoyed every minute of the business, whether it was hopping from one job to the next, practicing guitar, arranging music, or going to science fiction and filk conventions.

The other day I had a job interview. One of the questions I was asked was what I did when I wasn't working. All I could think of was cuddling my dog and way too much elder care. Way too much. I've hit what I call "trauma point" with it, and it scares me. When I'm not doing elder care, I'm busy coming up with ways to avoid doing elder care. Sometimes I'll carpool to his house with dimakoi so he can't arm twist me into staying there. Other times I'll leave Lady home so I have an excuse to go back home (gotta take care of the dog, right?). I love him and his parents, but I don't like staying in a nursing home, waking up to the smell of elder-poo in the morning or getting hit head-on by the smell of elder-pee when I open the guest room door to go to the bathroom.

Since the interview I've started finding time to arrange music and do other things for myself despite the needs of my fiancé and his parents. My own mother went in for knee replacement surgery last week, yet I was busy taking care of his parents instead of my own.

I am hoping I didn't blow the interview because I've been arm-twisted way too much into doing tasks that totally suck out my soul.

Comments

[dinogrl.livejournal.com]

My sympathies. Just as a point of reference, job interviews aren't supposed to ask you that type of question. It's considered discriminatory.
Take care of your family first. I had to bow out of an extremely hard situation with one of my friends because Dave's family comes first (I don't have any). I feel wretched, but I know I'm doing the right thing.

[poltr1]

I'm puzzled why they would ask that question. Why do they need to know what you do outside of work? If it has nothing to do with your ability to do the job. Or are they looking for someone who doesn't have a life outside of work?

[dsmoen.livejournal.com]

Sometimes, we need those questions to remind us that we need to make moments of joy for ourselves. That said, dinogrl is correct about the job interview question.

[cellio]

You are entitled to a life, and I hope you're able to spend more time on your needs soon.

As for the interview... I would hope that such a question wouldn't factor into the decision. Could the person have just been trying to make conversation? Inexperienced interviewers do that sort of thing in my experience -- they want to break the ice and hobbies are pretty safe.

[randwolf.livejournal.com]

Sympathies. Elder care is no fun. Sometimes you can get help with it, but it's still a lot of work.

I tell you what I told Lisa

[capplor.livejournal.com]

Check into charity/government/religious free or low cost help. There are elder sitters. There is elder daycare if they can get out of the house. Anything that is possibly available is an hour where you can do something else. You and/or Warren still have to be where the buck stops, but this would be an improvement.

Re: I tell you what I told Lisa

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I'm on it. The parents cannot get out of the house without an able-bodied person assisting them. Since I'm the closest thing they have to an able-bodied family member, I tend to get drafted. When I'm working again, it's going to be a nightmare in that house.

[sodyera.livejournal.com]

"Doing tasks that totally suck out my soul." That's exactly how I felt when I was working. Unfortunately I can't see a convenient way out for you on this unless you win the Lottery and can hire somebody to do it for you. With wishes in that direction, Güt Yule.

[jhayman.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's time for the parents to move to a seniors' assisted living residence? Not a nursing home, not yet. I have no clue about their or your finances, nor should I, but that would be an option. You get to visit and not get your soul sucked; they get the assistance they need.

Care of the elders is a part of life, but you are a career woman. Having a career and doing elder care don't mix, period. We wish you every luck in getting a job you love and getting back some of your old life.

Glad you've taken the interview for a real life lesson. Keep at recovering your real self.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

The parents' doctor has already recommended the father go into a "skilled nursing facility" (the modern euphemism for "nursing home"). He's even ready to do so. The problem is affording it. The father has also blown much of the family's savings. We've kept him away from the Internet because we know he'd be trying to do business with "this nice man from Nigeria." I've offered to pay for elder care (not that I can afford it right now, but IMHO it beats the alternative), but they've turned it down. I've got more calls to place to the Veteran's Administration to see if they can help (the father is a WWII veteran).

My mother, at least, has purposely set things up to not be dependent upon her children for any kind of care after seeing one too many people lose the children upon which they'd planned to depend.

[robin-june.livejournal.com]

A charitable interpretation of why that hobbies question came up in a job interview, is they're trying to find out the pattern of when you would want to take vacation time. F'r instance, fans do multiple long weekends around the calendar for cons, skiers bolt for random snowy winter days, surfers split whenever the waves are right, and mundanes take two consecutive weeks in the summer. (Mundane reservists spend those 2 weeks on active duty.)

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

I have no wisdom but to wish you the best in reducing the the soul-sucking things and gaining some soul-inflating things.

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