My Annual Quandry

[figmo]

I had my weekly phone call with Mom Saturday. As she does every year, she nagged me to "acknowledge your brother's birthday."

Mind you, my brother sent me a "gift" in e-mail I wasn't expecting with the word "gift" in the subject header. My spam filters deleted it. It was some kind of e-gift certificate. Instead of resending it, he got himself a refund.

I soooo do not want to do anything nice for his birthday. I don't want to do anything for his birthday, save for lighting Dad's Yahrzeit candle (for those of you who haven't been following, the anniversary of our father's death on the Hebrew calendar coincides with my brother's birthday).

I'm figuring I'll send him an e-card, spending as much money on him as he's worth. I now have to figure out what to have it say. Despite popular belief, I don't want to get tastelessly snarky (even though he does), but I also don't want to have it contain any sincere emotion (read: the words "happy" and "love" do not belong in this card).

Any suggestions would be welcome.

Comments

[delennara.livejournal.com]

"wishes (you doatn have to mention what kind of them) for your birthday, greetings, your sister"
If he has a overweight problem you coudl write that you wish him to get many cream cakes...

[karisu-sama.livejournal.com]

"In akcnowlegement of your birthday, greetings from your sister."

Nice 'n cold 'n formal. No happy or love, there, nope...

[ladysprite.livejournal.com]

How about something simple, like 'Have a (wonderful, great, good, etc) day!,' signed (yours, sincerely, thinking of you, best wishes,)?

My suggestions

[the-magician.livejournal.com]

http://send.greetings.yahoo.com/greet/send?.id=152058295&.catu=/browse/Events_and_Occasions/Birthday/

Try the Peanuts or Hello Kitty ones. The peanuts one is good because it ends with "Hope you get everything you need" after discussing the psychiatrist cake test ... amusing and yet, with a great undertone of "you're nuts" <grin!>

The Hello Kitty just has animated Hello Kitty heads with the words Happy Birthday flashing around and about, nothing sincere at all!

Or the "You know you're getting older when you accidentally mistake the chair adjustment for the T.V. remote - Have a Happy Birthday" (with the animation of an old man pressing a button and being eaten by his recliner)

Or for really tacky, they have an animated card of Stuart Little giving a present to Snowball and then message "inside" is actually an ad for Stuart Little 2 opening in theaters July 19th!

Ya don't even have to strain that far

[emberleo.livejournal.com]

I've gotten plenty of cards that say, supposedly humorously, things like "It's your birthday..."

"...Sleep as late as you want!"

And other perfectly appropriate things that fail to express any emotion. Mind you, from who sends them to me, it's not conveying a lack of emotion, either, but the point is, cards *do* exist that express nothing personal.

--Ember--

[maedbh7.livejournal.com]

Chinese Version: (outside) Happy Birthday (inside) May you live in interesting times.
Religious: (o) Happy Birthday (i) May you reap 10 fold what you have sown.
Irish: (o) Happy Birthday (i) May the road rise up to meet you.
Or: (o) On this your Birthday (i) May the Light and Love you bring to others shine upon you this day.

If he knows you at all, he'll get the message. -H.

[cellio]

Ooh, I like #2 and #4.

Re: My suggestions

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Again, if I can avoid "Happy" -- yes, even as in "Happy Birthday" -- I'd be happier.

The "Stuart Little 2" one sounds not bad. The "Peanuts" one is a nice piece of irony, too.

Re: Ya don't even have to strain that far

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Point.

Given that he just started a new job as a sales droid at Staples, that might even be appropriate, as his birthday falls in the middle of the week. [evil grin]

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I like them too. He's not smart enough to understand. (He's not smart. Period.)

There's always Chanukah.... >;-)