I'm trying not to crack

[figmo]

There are people who are worse off than me, but I'm starting to "lose it" in real time. I'm not sure whether it's that I haven't had a day off in months, the pressures of a day job where they want me to meet impossible deadlines, the demands of home ownership, debts that won't go away fast enough, or the dog throwing up in the middle of the night after a week of goey, stinky poopies, but I'm ready to scream.

I don't really want to scream; that'd hose my voice. I feel like I've got no time for me. I soooo would like to just pack up the car and go somewhere for a couple of weeks, but I can't afford to do that. I need income. I am spending all my time earning money to pay bills, fighting another damned sinus infection, and every day I see my dreams slipping further away.

Wednesday night I learned of an open mike. I wanted to go this past evening, but I was in no shape to do so. Between the sinus infection, my workload, and the sick puppy, there was no way I was going to get away. Warren's judgement is getting worse, too; he up-ended some leftovers, causing them to ooze onto the refrigerator shelf.

Not working is getting to him, but he's having more of his semi-seizures. He now feels pain in his head, but it's not what he'd call a "headache." Yesterday I saw him have one (he usually tries to hide them); his face got all waxy like a dead person's. It was frightening.

I need strength. I need my health back. I need a break.

Comments

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Is there any way to get away for just a day or two? A could of hours even? Prayers and good thoughts on the way.

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

You may, if your insurance will support it, consider getting some counseling. You've got a lot of stressors on your list, and a professional may be able to help you vent and then create some internal coping strategies (since, as you note, the external coping strategy of getting the hell out of dodge for a few days isn't really an option for you right now).

I've found it to be helpful just to tell a stranger and have them agree that the situation is outrageous and that you're not wrong to feel how you feel about it.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I do have a therapist, but she's been weaning me off because she's moving to San Diego (about 12 hours or so by car).

I may try calling her number anyway.

It's going around lately, isn't it?

[lysana.livejournal.com]

I have to second the counseling suggestion. I am so glad I have a therapist these days. Someone completely unrelated to the pain and frustration of my life and helps me gain and keep perspective on all of it is a blessing.

Re: It's going around lately, isn't it?

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen my therapist in months, but you're both right -- it's time to give her a call.

Hugs

[carol-kitty.livejournal.com]

Sending you a hug from Orange County!!!

Re: Hugs

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Thanks. (Hugs back.)

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

And here's a hug from the other coast. *hug*

Good luck with everything.

A.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *HUG* back.

[chriso.livejournal.com]

You do need to take some time just for yourself, even if its just a few hours. Go to the live mike you found out about and you'll have them rolling on the floor with your funny songs. Make the time to do it and I bet you'll feel a bit better. And I know you're going to be running filking at
Silicon, but take time to have fun there too.

In the meanwhile, here's another hug.