Happy Day of Atonement -- NOT!

[figmo]

I have been very busy finishing up my contract, which is why I haven't posted. My friend Bruce had his SO, sroth call last Wednesday to tell me Bruce had laryngitis and was really sick and wasn't going to make it to services. I got so caught up in hitting a deadline I missed services as well. I figured "Oh well, I'll catch them tomorrow" and went to bed around midnight.

At 3am i awoke with crushing chest pains. The pain was radiating to my back and spreading down my left arm. I figured this was God getting back at me for not going to services. I looked up the symptoms of "women's heart attacks" and my symptoms matched. I got out of bed and noticed Warren was still up, so I told him I felt I needed to go to the emergency room.

I hate hospitals -- with a passion. When I say I want to go to a hospital, This Means Something.

Warren thought it might be indigestion and fed me a few Maalox tablets to no avail. Finally he called 911 and the dispatcher told him to get me to a hospital.

I arrived at the hospital around 4am. I was quickly admitted and hooked up to a bunch of monitors, then fed enough nitro glycerine to blow up a small bathroom. The nitro seemed to help a bit. They also stuck a catheter in my right arm, told me not to bend it, and then wanted me to sign a bunch of stuff -- and I'm right-handed.

Around 7am they told me breakfast was coming, which surprised me. That was when I found out I was being admitted. Eeep. Breakfast, btw, was bacon, eggs, coffee, and oatmeal. They had some of the information about my food allergies from my last stay around ten years ago, but they missed one crucial one: No Sugar. It took around 15 minutes to get Sweet and Low for my coffee and oatmeal.

After breakfast the nurse injected my catheter with morphine. It felt like ice going down my veins. She had apparently told Warren I'd "get lots of sleep." The person in the room next to me was snoring. Loudly. I did not get sleep. I was eventually wheeled up to a room with three other women, all of whom were older than my mother, and all of whom were up, wide awake, and doing stuff. The room was bright and sunny; even closing my curtain didn't darken it enough for me to sleep. I tried playing games on my Palm device and was quickly running the battery down. I didn't want to watch TV, and there was nothing to read. It didn't help that the room was chilly but the mattress was covered with plastic; I was shivering on top and sweating on the bottom. Eeeuw.

The doctor came in. The blood tests showed I didn't have a heart attack. I had costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects the inner end
of each rib with the breastbone. They were making noises about keeping me another day to do a stress test "just in case" and wanted to make sure the costochondritis wasn't caused by hardening of the arteries. I was panicking because I was supposed to fly to Phoenix the next morning to go to chatworthy's wedding.

Not wanting to wake Warren, who was getting desparately needed sleep, I called dimakoi since it was after 10am and I figured (correctly) she'd be up. Eventually "lunch" arrived. I use the quotes because nobody had consulted me when choosing this meal. The plate consisted of turkey and whipped potatoes with gravy, some unknown steamed vegetable, canned pineapple wedges, a dinner roll, and decaf coffee. Those of you who've been reading my journal a while know:

• I hate turkey and mashed potatoes
• I avoid gravy because of my mushroom allergy (and I don't care for it anyway)
• I never order unidentified steamed vegetables because of my vegetable allergies
• the mere smell of pineapple makes me retch
• I'm not much of a bread eater
• I almost always drink either iced tea or diet soda with my meals

I immediately begged -- repeatedly -- to have the tray removed, as the smell was worse than any school cafeteria food I'd ever encountered. Right after the food was removed the volunteers came with magazines. I was soooo grateful.

Finally the dietician phoned me to ask what I would like to eat after I'd zeroed out everything on the menu. The only thing offered to me that sounded palatable was the burrito (I correctly figured it'd be a microwaved burrito that they couldn't screw up), iced tea, and diet custard. The custard sucked (it tasted like flavored Jell-o), but the rest of it was palatable. As I finished dimakoi came by. She was in stitches when I told her what they'd brought on the first platter because she could guess my reaction.

Eventually dimakoi went to get lunch and I took a brief nap. dimakoi got back as I was waking up. The dietician called to ask what I wanted for dinner. I wound up with the burrito again because everything else either had mushrooms or sounded vile. This time I asked if they had diet soda as an option; they did, so I got diet Sprite. When the dinner and menu arrived I saw they had several Indian entrees, such as Alu Chole and basmati rice. Had I seen that, that was what I would've ordered. (Grrrf. Stupid whitebread dietician.)

As the food arrived I was told I was going to be released and could change. I didn't even wait for the nurse to remove my catheter to get into my regular clothes. I also did a sponge bath in the bathroom, which didn't have a shower. By this time I was downright grungy and in desparate need of a cleaning.

As I was eating the nurse came to remove the catheter, then they brought the wheelchair to check me out. dimakoi drove me home, and Warren felt inadequate because he wasn't up and awake to do so, thinking I was somehow angry (we eventually straightened this out and all was well). dimakoi and I had planned to get something afterwards, but she was too tired, and I was dying for a shower. I was also massively tired and I had yet to pack for my trip. I set the alarm, wrote up my packing list, then went to sleep.

Comments

[peteralway.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on not being dead!

[bikergeek.livejournal.com]

Glad you're OK.

[teddywolf.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... I hope the rest of the year goes better than this snippet.

[filkerdave.livejournal.com]

Our top story tonight: figmo is still not dead!

[cellio]

Yowsa! So does the fact that they released you mean you don't have costochondritis? Or that you do but they can treat it with drugs?

[smoooom.livejournal.com]

Eeeep. Glad you're OK. You are OK right?

[galtine1.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you did the RIGHT thing and go to the ER and get checked out.

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it wasn't a heart attack, I'm sorry it happened at all, and the next time, you need to make clear to the world that the beginning-of-the-year phrase "It is written" does not refer to medical charts.

Of course, you have some fabulous set-up lines from this.

"It was Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year for Jews."

"I went to the hospital."

"I didn't have a heart attack."

"I was worried I would be allergic to something in the hospital gravy."

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Costochondritis is a painful but benign condition. They don't know what causes it, and they "treat" it with lots of ibuprofen.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I'm okay. I'm just in pain.

[poltr1]

What they all said. I'm glad you're still among the living.

Hospital

[markiv1111.livejournal.com]

It's good to hear from you at all. And it sounds as though you really have good reason not to like hospitals! I'm not fond of them either, but my last hospital stay was far more benign than yours, perhaps because (a) I have no food allergies and (b) I can't remember if I had a room to myself, or if there was someone in the other bed who was completely out like a light and never bothered me. Keep us posted.

Nate

[patoadam]

Glad you're out of the hospital!!!

Be well!!

[johno.livejournal.com]

So it all boils down to "Take 2 pills and call us in the morning."????

[howeird]

Yikes, that sounds painful! I'm sorry to hear your rib cage decided to declare a glorious revolution against the rest of your body. Glad it wasn't your heart.

Just got the Spamalot CD, and yes, filkerdave the "Still Not Dead" song is a welcome addition to our repertoire.

Oh yeah, you of course know that being in hospital comes with a "get out of Yom Kippur services free" card. P'kuach nefesh, and all that that implies.

[drewkitty.livejournal.com]

Hear, hear!

(One dead friend from not going to the ER in time is too many.)

Next time, take a book

[capplor.livejournal.com]

J. Random something from your shelves would have helped, I'm sure.

And you have other friends who know how to feed you. If it's daytime, you can always try calling us for carry-out.

Glad you're well.

Para tu divertido y placer

[capplor.livejournal.com]

(For your enjoyment & pleasure, on the topic of s/he's not dead yet)

http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/10/20/india.astrology.reut/index.html

I particularly liked the line about "Malviya's prediction is not the first of its type by an Indian astrologer. But in the past, crowds have beaten up astrologers when their predicted demise failed to occur."

Re: Para tu divertido y placer

[dan-ad-nauseam.livejournal.com]

IIRC, there was a Renaissance astrologer who predicted his own death, and, when it appeared he was going to be wrong, decided to rectify the situation.

[gregbo.livejournal.com]

Do you have some kind of id (or something available via a medical coverage card) that lists your allergies?

Hope you're feeling better.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Prayers and good thoughts on the way.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Eek, that's not uncommon in people with rheumatoid arthritis. Hurts like hell. I hope you can find relief soon.

[madfilkentist]

Glad you're OK. I'm terrified enough of hospitals that I broke out in a cold sweat just reading about your experience, but forced myself to read to the end. You survived, you found out what's wrong, and it isn't about to kill you. Those are good things.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

I'd have to get one very large custom-made one to do so.

My maternal grandmother had such a beastie, but in practice it was so cumbersome she rarely wore it.

[figmo.livejournal.com]

More like "take three or four pills."

The kicker is the ibuprofen doesn't even make a dent in the pain. A glass of wine does, but I can't go drinking wine all the time.

[jerusha.livejournal.com]

Glad you're OK, and that it's a relatively benign (albeit painful!) condition like costochondritis. Hope that clears quickly (or they can get you better analgesics than ibuprofen).

docspeak

[patoadam]

Dr. Kathleen says that physicians refer to your medical situation as "ROMINOMIHOMI":

Rule Out Myocardial Infarction
No Myocardial Infarction
Send Home

[filkferengi]

I hope you feel lots better real soon.

[hillarysherwood.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it wasn't a heart attack. It seems that this hospital hasn't gotten the word that they're supposed to have edible food for their patients. Hope the pain goes away soon.

10-24-05; 15:40pm

[chatworthy.livejournal.com]

Glad you're OK. We're just now back from the honeymoon so I haven't listened to the NPR piece yet.

It was great to see you at the wedding.

[catalana.livejournal.com]

I had costochondritis, which is an inflammation of the cartilage that connects the inner end of each rib with the breastbone.

Ow, ow, ow. I've had that twice - it's *horrible*. The first time I had it I could barely breathe and then they wanted to do one of those breath-puff tests (like they give asthmatics) and I was thinking "If I could do that, I wouldn't *be* here." *sigh* Here's hoping for a speedy recovery! *very gentle hug*