"If" meme

[figmo]

Shamelessly snarfed from griffen....

If I were a month I would be: July
If I were a day of the week I would be: Satuday
If I were a time of day I would be: noon
If I were a planet I would be: Mercury
If I were a sea animal I would be: Seahorse (let the father take care of the kids ;-) )
If I were a direction I would be: West
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a lustrous armoire
If I were a historical figure I would be: Joan of Arc
If I were a liquid I would be: water
If I were a stone, I would be: diamond
If I were a tree, I would be: a spruce tree (the kind that gives nummy sap that the_ogre talks about)
If I were a bird, I would be: something cool in the parrot family
If I were a tool, I would be: a high-end Swiss Army Knife
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: a Lynn Gold miniature rose
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: a mostly sunny day, not too humid, not too bright, not too hot, not too cool
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: Venus
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a fully-wired grand piano
If I were an animal, I would be: a Bichon Frise
If I were a color, I would be: I already am one -- Gold, of course!
If I were an emotion, I would be: joy
If I were a vegetable, I would be: a rhubarb (just to be weird)
If I were a sound, I would be: a melody you can't get out of your head
If I were an element, I would be: Here we go again -- I already am one -- Gold, of course!
If I were a car, I would be: an early 1990s Honda Accord (pleasant and reliable)
If I were a song, I would be: a melody you can't get out of your head
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Barbra Streisand
If I were a book, I would be written by: Erma Bombeck
If I were a food, I would be: pasta
If I were a place, I would be: New York, New York
If I were a material, I would be: silk-based velvet
If I were a taste, I would be: salty
If I were a scent, I would be: heaven scent (the old one)
If I were a religion, I would be: reform Judaism
If I were a word, I would be: antidisestablishmentarianism
If I were an object, I would be: a reusable bottle
If I were a body part I would be: a head
If I were a facial expression I would be: a straight face
If I were a subject in school I would be: Music
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Goldilocks
If I were a shape I would be: a star
If I were a number I would be: 397