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I'm losing it
I haven't written in a week because I've been exhausted. Something is wrong with me. Even more is wrong with Warren.
While I was away he threw out over $50 worth of food "because it had ants in it." I use the quotes because his judgement is impaired. "Had ants in it" could very well mean an ant was crawling around on the outside of the package or on the outside of an adjacent package. For example, I had a sealed container filled with flour in my freezer. I went to use it this morning to make brunch, but it was gone. "The ants got into it," he said. Ants in the freezer? Even I know that's impossible, so I asked him about it.
"I put it on the counter, and it was covered with ants, so I threw it out."
Excuse me, but since when do ants on the outside of a sealed container constitute them getting inside it? I'm guessing what really happened was he did something stupid like open it to see if there were ants inside when a bunch were crawling on the outside, one got in, and my flour was hosed. DUH!!!!!
Today he brought the 99lb suitcase into my room while I was trying to rest. I knew something was massively wrong when he was lifting it with one hand. He was struggling to open it. I had to yell at him for 15 minutes to find out what he did with the contents of this suitcase which I had specifically told him not to touch and to leave open in the living room till I could finish emptying it.
"It was covered with grime," he said. "It smelled funny." What had happened was some shampoo Mom had given me had leaked open. Even though it was in a plastic bag, he had decided everything adjacent to it was supposed to be thrown out. He threw out about $40 in toiletries which were perfectly good and sealed. I just spent five minutes digging through garbage before he came by to berate me into stopping. As I rinsed the soap suds off the sealed bottles, he yelled at me to "wash everything." What the hell did he think I was doing?
He then asked me if I wanted my old suitcase thrown out. "No," I replied. "I need to take it to American Airlines to get my money."
"I can't find any of the tags," he said.
Wait. The tags were firmly attached to that suitcase. I had instructed him not to remove them before I left for the east coast.
"How did they get off there?" I exclaimed.
"They fell off," he replied. "Fell off," my ass! He couldn't remember how they "fell off" or why he would even be handling that suitcase which was safely (so I thought) ensconced in my storage room.
That was $200 I was counting on. What he did was effectively take $200 and flush it down the toilet. I couldn't find the tags. I suspect he shredded them.
I love the man, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can see what causes this behavior on an MRI. The cyst is crushing his left temporal lobe and his hippocampus. In other words, he does stupid things and then can't remember doing them. When there's a "why," it's stupid.
Help.
While I was away he threw out over $50 worth of food "because it had ants in it." I use the quotes because his judgement is impaired. "Had ants in it" could very well mean an ant was crawling around on the outside of the package or on the outside of an adjacent package. For example, I had a sealed container filled with flour in my freezer. I went to use it this morning to make brunch, but it was gone. "The ants got into it," he said. Ants in the freezer? Even I know that's impossible, so I asked him about it.
"I put it on the counter, and it was covered with ants, so I threw it out."
Excuse me, but since when do ants on the outside of a sealed container constitute them getting inside it? I'm guessing what really happened was he did something stupid like open it to see if there were ants inside when a bunch were crawling on the outside, one got in, and my flour was hosed. DUH!!!!!
Today he brought the 99lb suitcase into my room while I was trying to rest. I knew something was massively wrong when he was lifting it with one hand. He was struggling to open it. I had to yell at him for 15 minutes to find out what he did with the contents of this suitcase which I had specifically told him not to touch and to leave open in the living room till I could finish emptying it.
"It was covered with grime," he said. "It smelled funny." What had happened was some shampoo Mom had given me had leaked open. Even though it was in a plastic bag, he had decided everything adjacent to it was supposed to be thrown out. He threw out about $40 in toiletries which were perfectly good and sealed. I just spent five minutes digging through garbage before he came by to berate me into stopping. As I rinsed the soap suds off the sealed bottles, he yelled at me to "wash everything." What the hell did he think I was doing?
He then asked me if I wanted my old suitcase thrown out. "No," I replied. "I need to take it to American Airlines to get my money."
"I can't find any of the tags," he said.
Wait. The tags were firmly attached to that suitcase. I had instructed him not to remove them before I left for the east coast.
"How did they get off there?" I exclaimed.
"They fell off," he replied. "Fell off," my ass! He couldn't remember how they "fell off" or why he would even be handling that suitcase which was safely (so I thought) ensconced in my storage room.
That was $200 I was counting on. What he did was effectively take $200 and flush it down the toilet. I couldn't find the tags. I suspect he shredded them.
I love the man, but I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can see what causes this behavior on an MRI. The cyst is crushing his left temporal lobe and his hippocampus. In other words, he does stupid things and then can't remember doing them. When there's a "why," it's stupid.
Help.
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*hugs*
LMG
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Have you told Warren's doctors about this sort of behavior? I doubt that Warren has the judgment required to tell them. I realize that his doctors suck hairy rocks, but maybe they will do something if they realize how impaired Warren is.
Good luck!
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A letter should do it: Explain why you're writing, why you haven't said anything before (you were looking for a chance to speak up without it being in front of Warren); Make it very professional-looking: In the main letter, describe in outline the kind of behaviour you're having problems with; Then as appendices, give a couple of detailed examples. You could even print those out from LJ entries such as this one - However, if you do this, I would copy the text into something like Notepad and print it "bare", with nothing that gives it away as an on-line journal. I've found that some health professionals take a strange view of my willingness to post about details of my life & symptoms on the internet (while others are fascinated by the idea, and and use up chunks of consultation time that I'm paying for, quizzing me about how it works! =:o} ), and people with that mindset might take an even dimmer view of you havig posted details about Warren here but not havig passed them on to them. (The idea that "I'd rather talk about things that scare me with my friends than with some medical guy who sees me as just an appendage of the patient" doesn't seem to get across to some of them.)
So in introducing the examples, I would just refer to LJ as "my journal". Oh, and make sure you remove anything that's uncomplementary about the medical people! =:o\ So maybe a complete re-write would be quicker... =;o}
Decide first which doctors you're sending it to. If there's one doctor it obviously should go to first (according to whatver the "system" is over there), but you don't trust them to respond objectively, then send it to several in parallel. Don't hide that you've done that: Address the letter plainly to all the docs you're sending it to, or even to "all the doctors who are currently currently helping Warren ..." (that covers you for handing out extra copies later if new docs get involved). If anyone asks why you did that (e.g. the "obvious but not trusted" doc, if he suspects you're trying to an end-run around him), just say you thought it would save time... which it probably will. It goes across better than "I didn't trust you to pass the relevant information along to the relevant people." =:o\
Then the really tough decisions: Do you let Warren know you're doing this? And do you let him read what you've written? And if so, when?
Good luck. [HUG]
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If I were in your situation I'd be tempted to try to file insurance claims for the money lost due to Warren's behavior. They'd be denied, I assume, but there comes a point where making them at least deal with some paperwork -- every time it happens -- would be tempting. Squeaky wheel and all that.
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Hugs
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I should nominate you for sainthood -- or the Kwan Yin award -- for dealing with this for so long.
I agree with the other comment about taking these journal posts, editing them, and giving them to the doctors to show that his behavior is being impaired by this cyst in his head.
*hugs*
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(I'm perfectly willing to come over to your house if you can't leave for whatever reason -- I know sometimes it helps just to have someone there in person to talk to who *isn't* dealing with the situation, even if you can't leave the house.)
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Beyond that, I don't know of much in the way of support. I'm told there's some kind of brain conference in SF next month, and I've been asked to attend it (and possibly speak at it) by the woman who runs the arachnoid cyst web site.
Brain conference