- Zelda and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 3/4 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?
- Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20% per dysfunctional parent but Michael feels 3% better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if one person walks by the cafe every two minutes?
- Sanjeev has seven piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given day is 10% per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his prescription for erythromycin during the following week?
- Chad wants to take half a pound of pot to Orinda and sell it at a 20% profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, how much should Nicole write the check for?
- The City and County of San Francisco decide to destroy fifty rats infesting downtown buildings. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?
- A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock and a white sock are tossed randomly into a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn from the drawer will be socks of color?
- George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490 mg of caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density in mg/pound?
- There are 4500 homes in Mill Valley and all of them recycle plastic. If each household recycles ten soda bottles a day and buys one polar fleece pullover per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit?
(Bonus question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are 1 liter size, how much Evian are they drinking?)
- If the average person can consume one pork pot sticker in thirty seconds and the waitress brings a platter of twelve pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans to not eat them?
- Todd begins walking down Market Street with twelve $1 bills in his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and confronted only one double-amputee?
Advanced Placement Students Only
- Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John and Effie share a three-bedroom apartment on Guerrero for $2400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other three need their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their web servers. None of them wants to use the futon in the living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in three months to attend Burning Man. What is their best option:
- Each of the five roommates accept a $12 per hour job-share as handgun monitors at Mission High.
- Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trip's bedroom for $500/month.
- Petition the Board of Supervisors to advance Ling her annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.
- Rent strike.
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I give up on the extra-credit question. That one's just too hard for me.
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Is that yours? If not, what's the source? It's hysterical!
(and one in return, from Ann Arbor "28 square miles surrounded by reality", Michigan:)
How many University of Michigan social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
[None, they don't. But they do hold seminars in 'Coping with Darkness'.]
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I'd hate to see their physics exam.
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