figmo (
figmo
) wrote
2003
-
07
-
16
01:46 am
TMI Haiku
Breaking wind a lot
I wish it wasn't stinky
Dang, those beans were good
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trinsf.livejournal.com
2004-01-28 10:54 pm (UTC)
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A revision, suggested by my son:
warm wind breaks silence
pungent scent follows behind
dang, those beans were good
He thinks it's superior because it starts in a more classical haiku mode, focusing on a single event in nature -- until the last line.
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figmo.livejournal.com
2004-01-29 02:54 am (UTC)
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Your son has a point. Good one. :-)
Re:
aliza250.livejournal.com
2004-01-29 08:58 pm (UTC)
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Your son has a point
That's a different body function.
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figmo.livejournal.com
2004-01-30 12:17 am (UTC)
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Uh, isn't that a "tip?" [g,d,rlh]
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no subject
warm wind breaks silence
pungent scent follows behind
dang, those beans were good
He thinks it's superior because it starts in a more classical haiku mode, focusing on a single event in nature -- until the last line.
no subject
Re:
That's a different body function.
no subject